— Truth is, I’m a loser. There’s no doubt, really. With a third (I hope) of my life over, I did just about all of it - from relationships to career - a wrong way. But, I am optimistic. Really! I studied mistakes, tried out observations and came up with “a dozen verities” that, if tended to, might help the next third blossom.

01. Everything is made up.

— Here are a list of things that are completely made up: money, the stock market, the border of your country, the language of your country, the government of your country, men’s clothes, women’s clothes, religions (except maybe one), weddings, funerals, college, holidays, the work day, a career, a name, any social or political organization ever - okay, you get it. All these cultural and societal features are totally fabricated. They are not science and they are not divine (if that’s your thing). And that’s just the big stuff, not to mention all the little concoctions that fill our lives such as the shape of a sign, the width of a field or the programming on a channel.

The point here is not anarchy; it’s not: everything is made up so just forget it and do what you want. In fact, many of the rules and traditions above are the result of much trial and error and some are even supported by science. For example, the food you eat and the clothes you wear are influenced by the climate and vegetation of where you live; but, in the end, the food you eat and the clothes you wear in your region are not immutable. They are decided upon, and thus, they can be different - or re-imagined or challenged or erased. — That goes for all things.

Actions: Pay attention to what is. Be curious if not questioning.

02. Everyone has a reason.

— The flip side of the knowledge that everything is made up, is the fact that everything has a reason for operating the way it does and so, too, does every person have a reason (a truly, valid one) for behaving or believing in the manner they do - no matter how moral, or even, how heinous. We are all shaped by the people and things we encounter and consume along the way. Factors may include a geographic culture, a religion, a parent, a TV show, a radio program, a sophisticated marketing campaign, a great tragedy, a single encounter or a charismatic voice. All of us are always internalizing messages and events and being shaped by them.

And so, it is important to consistently evaluate ourselves and why our attitude toward anything is the way it is. Who told you to think such a way? What personal event makes you feel that way? And even more importantly than evaluating ourselves, we must remember that the other person - even if they are evil, crazy or just simply off-putting - behaves a certain way because they have ultimately been shaped to do so. — We don’t stay kids forever; none of us are untarnished.

Actions: Pay attention to yourself. Consider the (story of the) other person, always.

03. There is so much more.

— Angle 1: You don’t really know anything. … Maybe you consider yourself a smart person, well read with lots of varied experiences in life. Someone with, objectively, more general knowledge than other people. But, simply put, there is no way, no how, that you can know all the physical and procedural things the world holds within it, nor can you understand all the emotions, philosophies and interpretations of every individual. You can learn something new every day, every hour and every minute, and still, there will be so much more to discover and absorb.

Angle 2: Go a little further. … Just as there is so much more to learn and understand, there is so much more to do and to see. There are more places to visit or live, more careers or hobbies to pursue and more people to love. … There are times, maybe after heartbreak or a professional failure, in which life can feel quite empty and finite. And perhaps, in the exact state or place you’re in that is true, but still, I promise, there is much more out there. To find it, you just have to go a little further. — It’s on the other side.

Actions: 1. Hold humility for the infinite scope of what’s out there. … 2. Just keep going.

04. Time changes.

— Angle 1: Time’s change. … Because of all of the above, it is undeniable that the times will be constantly changing. Rules that were made up in the first place, will be altered or erased. Leaders will be shaped and develop new reasoning that changes their outlook and thus actions, influencing our daily lives. We will discover new natural or technical phenomenons that usher in new processes. On a personal level, a new job opportunity may arise or a new connection, whether romantic or platonic, may shift your course. Add all that together and the times, for you and for the planet, will always be changing.

Angle 2: Time is tall and wide but not deep. … Have you ever heard some version of “that’s the way it’s always been” or “it is what it is”? People say those things casually but the root of such phrases are anything but. Their root is a great reverence to time, as a giant force that can rarely be moved or defeated. It’s true that time is vast, but, if you walk up to it, it’s paper thin - something which can be pierced at any moment. Just because one, larger thing has been the same way for a long time doesn’t mean it cannot change swiftly. Just as one morning you can switch you’re local coffee stop, so too, can you decide on a new career or city to live in.

Of course, if something has been the same for a long time, there will be consequences from a change, but still, the initiation of that change can happen at any moment. — The wall of time can be knocked down.

Actions: 1. Be adaptable, understanding things change. … 2. Don’t fear, for the time can alter/end.

05. The time comes.

— Soon enough, you’ll be dead. It could be decades or years, but also, it could be today, when you go to the store later. So act accordingly. Do not hold onto the things you don’t want and reach for the things you do, always. — It ends; go well.

Actions: Start or do things now. Consider death, always.

06. It takes time.

— Damn, that time. On the one hand (above) it comes fast and you must have urgency, but on the other hand, it moves slow and you must have patience. Just as it takes time to build a house, it takes time to build relationships and pursue ventures and grow personally. Often things must be planned and then the steps layered and then later the details fine-tuned. And then, at times, everything repeated all over again. … It’s admirable when you take action now on the things you want or need, but that’s only ever the first part. Afterward, you must keep going and going and sometimes going more. — Only ideas are built in a day.

Actions: Be consistent. Be persistent.

07. A little goes a long way.

— Let us count the ways: a little compliment can so brighten someone’s day; a little pop of color can so effect the feel of a room; sending one message now can start something larger later; a little time devoted to an objective each day gets you closer than before. Put a few of those days together and those little bits add up into a bigger accomplishment. … Beware the opposite effect, though. A single nail in the road can take down a tire and thus the whole car; and a little break in discipline can throw off a whole routine or a little misstep in execution can jeopardize a whole endeavor.

Actions: Embrace and take care of the small things.

08. One thing lasts forever.

— Angle 1: Have you ever heard of To Kill A Mockingbird? You have? Okay, hold on while I explain it to those who haven’t. It’s a book published in the summer of 1960. I read it in high school in the late 2ooos, fifty years after its release. With all due respect, the book’s author, Harper Lee, never did much else in the literary world but, nonetheless, she had finished her one thing which lasted.

Eh, that example was a bit niche. It’s a not-so-Freudian slip. You see, I want a Mockingbird, but of course, not everyone wants something on such a scale, nor does their thing have to be on such a scale to be worthy. It could be a gift that helps someone greatly; it could be a home improvement project; it could be the week you spend abroad and never forget. In so many ways, all of us can do some thing that will last, for ourselves and/or for others, if only we see it through.

Angle 2: While the above was more positive, there remains the other, darker side. One good or nice thing can last, but so, too, can a bad thing. A crime lasts forever, too, even if you’ve served an appropriate punishment. An argument or a slur holds root, even if forgiveness is granted. Reconciliation is always possible but the reason that it had to happen in the first place - the bad act - can never be erased. — It was done.

Actions: 1. Be doing things. … 2. Consider the consequences of the things you do, always.

09. Nothing meets expectation.

— Maybe just a few things do, but generally speaking a particular person or thing usually exceeds or falls below your expectation. If you go to a concert, it likely wasn’t quite as good as you thought or it was even better than you imagined. If you’re starting a business, the steps outlined aren’t really going to happen in the order you started with. Things will get behind, or, more rarely, they’ll get ahead. And then, in the end, that business may leave you feeling less fulfilled than you thought or it may bring wonderful opportunities that you never imagined. — Either way, it’s different.

Actions: Expect nothing. Or, be open. Embrace more the moment or journey and less so the outcome.

10. Attention is grace.

— For the longest time, in notes, this was written as “preparation is confidence.” And, of course, that is very true. To have the most confidence in anything comes from having a deep knowledge and understanding of how it works. Want to be confident for a presentation? Know your argument and objective. How about a basketball game? Study the opponent and sharpen your skills. … But, what if you truly cannot be prepared? That’s where the shift to “attention” came in. Attention is the first step in being prepared - paying attention means allowing yourself to observe what is going on or what you need to do and then to be set, and it can all happen in just a second.

And if you pay attention, you will walk with more grace - or, less fumbling, flinching or unnecessary back-and-forth. And then, with that baseline of poise established, you’re well on your way to being confident or assertive. — Or, at the very least, you’ll look like it.

Actions: Pay attention (which, if you haven’t noticed, is kind of the ruling action for all things).

11. You are what you are.

— This is a tricky one. It’s a little “mystic,” with a slight counter to the second verity. I do believe in predispositions. That, at birth, your psychological nature is already decided in some capacity, before you are influenced by parents or community or events to come. That nature is done, just like the color of your eyes or the shape of your limbs. It’s done either by genetics, or some might say it even depends on the the time and day you were born. Who really knows? … Let’s look at “attention” and “grace” from above. I do believe that some people are ingrained, at the start, to be more attentive or calm and some more spacey or emotional.

And so, it’s important to recognize and accept your nature (and not just psychologically but also physically) and then act accordingly. … For me, I’m carefree to a fault. It is not my nature to be scrupulous or steadfast. Since I was a kid, I have always been wandering and just fine with disarray. For a long time, I wanted to be a “careful” person but I always felt short of it. Then, I shifted. I recognized I am innately a “carefree” person and that I can only act careful. I can’t be it. So, I’ve learned to control my inherent nature to blow with the wind and can now, be more still. It doesn’t mean I am now a steadfast person, but rather, a wandering person who can act steadfast. — Somehow, for me, that made all the difference.

Actions: Accept what you are. Act how you need.

12. Everything is your responsibility.

— Angle 1: Whatever happens, small or big, good or bad, incredible or tragic, it’s on you. Now, let’s clear one important thing up from the jump. In the case of something bad happening to you, and it happening without your hand in any way, that does not mean it’s your fault or that you are to blame, but, it stills holds true that you are responsible for your reaction to the event and that its ultimate outcome is in your hands.

Angle 2: Seeking purpose or direction? Look no further. You get to decide all that and define the parameters and then take the necessary actions toward what you want. It’s not predetermined or at the mercy of another; the responsibility is yours. You can have it anywhere. There can be fulfilling purpose in simply doing whatever job you have well or in fostering whatever relationships you have with care. And if, at the moment, you’re still undecided on purpose or direction. That’s okay. As long as you remember that, in the end, you decide how to define and to shape that. — You have a hand in all that happens.

Actions: Own it (everything). Take charge.

“A DOZEN VERITIES”

1. Everything is made up.

2. Everyone has a reason.

3. There is so much more.

4. Time changes.

5. The time comes.

6. It takes time.

7. A little goes a long way.

8. One thing lasts forever.

9. Nothing meets expectation.

10. Attention is grace.

11. You are what you are.

12. Everything is your responsibility.